Success

Am I finally succeed? Are you satisfied? Same question, if someone posed to you, when you are drawing a few thousand bucks from your card monthly and spending 12 hours daily in front of a system, doing some scrap work. What is your answer or at least self check by yourself?

But I have faced both, one after the other. I didn't understand what I need to say when the same thing posed by my Big B? Its a war between a dream and its success.

Here we go.....

I remember one saying from my childhood. Now it screwing up my mind and make me sleepless from the past a few days.

"Set a Goal. Strive for Success"

At that time, I didn't ask a question what is 'Success'. If somebody asks me now, I can't tell. Because, I never dream about my goal. Now it is a time to set a goal for me. Not only for me, for every one. I am sharing you my experience that was happened a few days back.

I stayed late before the day in Office till 2 pm midnight. It is hard for me to recuperate the next day with the same energy I have the day before. I am late for the day, skipped the sun rise. Now I am in a hurry, to start to my office. Just when about to start, I had a call. He is 'Future' side of mine.

Just we spoke for nearly one and half hour. Later I self checked "what is my Goal?". Its screwing my mind after that conversation. Yes, probably, I have some set of goals either short or long but I never take it serious. Yes, I don't have a FIRE. But badly, I am a person of fate believer. If I come across the chance, I will never lose it. I try my better part of me and left the result for the Fate. But, after the conversion in the call, I need to re-arrange the setting parts of my mind.

But finally I am asking one small favor from my Big B. Yes, I have a FIRE. But it is not helping me to reach my dreams. Please spill out some oil, to catch my dreams. I need an equivalent amount that how much care(you have) on me.

Money Vs Relations

Its a long break after my busy days. Yesterday, I had find some time in watching a movie. Somewhere in my mind, the scenes got stuck and were repeating without stop button. As usual, the other face came from me, and wrote following tag.

"Dad never taught me how to make money, but only how to make relations"

I know that, I came up, not from a well rich family. As said, a middle class, where every expense of penny should have a thought before spending it. A compromised spending. But I am lucky, dad never draw us to go in a hurdle way (for money). I never feel like I need to make a money. Still, I am not interested to make a money and frankly, I don't know how to make it. I know only, how not to spend unwise.

And relations, he(dad) is good at keeping the relations. A good guider and well take carer. But still I don't know why people will involve my dad in only hard situations, not in happy situations. May be due to his attributes.  Badly, I took the inheritance from my dad, in making the relations. As his life leading, my life following the same path. I am very much interested in relations. After all, I don't understand these relationships, how will make it up stronger and its binding with the money and needs. Because, I am good at only making quick relations, not long relations, as I can't entertain the people for long. I have no words after some days.

Gone is Gone. But, I just forecast my life, simulated with 'Money' and 'Relations(real)'. How I would be in coming years?

Its blank.

I am just waiting for someone to change up my mind. Otherwise, my life is blank, no doubt.

Night Outs..!!!

It's not an engineering night outs. But we had started the night outs, at the age of the 14, not for the studies, but tag has the name"Night Outs". I can surely say, out of my 14 years of schooling, I had spent most happily in those last a few days of schooling.

Hmm....Let me not in brief,

From where I have to start, yes, I am starting with the evening study hours. Actually the school final bell rang at the evening 4:30. After that we have a time of an hour or more for refreshment and the night study hours will start at the 6pm. There starts our "blabbering" of our home works. I remember we have a dairy of 6 columns of the each subject and engraved with the today's tasks. We need to clean up all the things and have a sign off of each subjects from the "Evening Instructor". Of Course, big head peoples will complete by 7:30 pm but for the guys like half - head like me, takes some more time. At last, we need to complete our assignments, mostly and hardly before 9pm. Later leave to the home.

But I didn't remember when I had started these "Night outs". But the same smell of school would hit the nose, with a gap of another one hour. There we starts....

Mostly we come here to play the games, the power encourages us, to go for mad. We play different types of games. The darker the night, the deeper the game. I remember, at that time, I used to carry one torch light powered with 3 AA batteries. Actually dad insisted me, to use for a way in the dark road, but we re-used to catch the thieves in the THIEF-POLICE game. Mostly hostelers were the partners in the game. A part of them, Srinu, Sugosh, Firoz, Rameez, Srikanth were the outsiders of school and insiders to the game. Apologies, If I missed any one.

And suddenly we had started one sort of wrestling games. I mostly partnered with Kishore. Still, my ear have those words, "Ee Nag'gadu kanapadadu gani, veedi daggara chala balam undira" in an prudish child manner. Another pair, if I remember, Srinu and Sugosh, one more pair with Rameez, but I didn't remember his opponent.

And since my years of schooling, I have a bond with the hostelers in sharing the home food. I remember, the batch includes Kasi, Murali and some others. And another person who spendthrifts money on food is Suresh. Badly, I never remembered whether I had shared with him or not, taking the biased one to my side.

Those were my most unforgettable days @ Night outs that will never get out of my mind.

"I"... "Luv"... "U"

"I Luv U".....

These five letter word fire the hearts of the youth and it is born for Sacrifice. This is all, I have experienced from my past 25 years. So many love-birds, some got shredded and some got shattered with no peck, finally, I can count those successful sacrificed pairs. On the other face, Some feel it as burden, some people enjoy their relationships, whatever may be, I am not in that line.

That is all I left, my nostalgic feeling. But, I am not interested in "Love" surely. I mean, I don't like that cross-way or I don't know how to reach that road. Frankly, I'm not from such environment, its insipid for me.

Hmmm.... In real, this is not, I want to say.....

I had wrote so many quotes and tags, all are related my "longing" feeling. But, generally people felt that I am failure in Love. Actually my intention is, I am just giving a form to my THOUGHTS not "feelings" (in words). That doesn't mean, I failed in something. I write in general. I think, the problem is in understanding. Let take an example "I Love You". I wrote this word keeping in mind, "you" as ALL. But you will understand as "Someone". There is the problem, You ask what happened? or who is She? I have no answers for that. Or I will reply as "Feelings have no Reasons". Nice Escape.

Finally, I am done. I had my view and expressed now.

Still, I am bit confusing, between my "longing" and "practicality". But I don't care. I am ready to move forward what HE wants to put in my life with a patience.

For Your Information,

You can find my quotes in the following blog.

http://inceptionsinmylife.blogspot.com/

Me and My "Longing" feeling....!!!

Though, I had given the name "This is I'm" to my blog and tried to start to post, what I am. But in the middle of my posts, I am totally deviated and the posts were composed of my memories. It happened deliberately. I am not blaming myself, that I done a mistake.... because I am composed of only experiences and it impacts...!!! That's all I have..!!

But in practical, I should leave my feelings like Longing, Pining or "Viraham" as my 'Big B' said. But I am not aware of how to get of this. Because, the feelings spread all over my body not in some parts of my brain. See, still I am in the same mood. This kind of nostalgic about my beloved ones never leaving me.

OK.. whatever may be..!! I am here to share some interesting facts about me and 'things' which I got hereditary.

It was happened a few days ago, I am in a call with my Big B.......

I never know, I can inscribe my feelings in words. There is no way for expecting a root, because my dad is not educated. You may ask, the art may come in middle. But I never used to write these things. But, after the call I came to know that I had taken this attributes from my grand father. Even, the feeling of "viraham" also took from my Grand Father. He was also a great writer in expressing his feelings and ever floats in a feeling of longing. Finally the root for my feelings is known. So, there is no blame upon me. It was inherited from my fore fathers. So, don't put a blame on me from now. 

But taken into reality, I should not be like this. As my Bro said, I am trying to get out of it. Trying to live in practicality. The only thing I am doing this, by keeping my mind busy with other things rather than this nostalgic feelings.

But sorry for this time, unless I prepare my mind to it, I can't help to get this writer out. 

First Overseas.....not seas, may be "places"

Since my childhood, I like travels. Of Course, still it is. But, one of the best, popping out now from my mind is a trip to "Science Fair", scheduled in Tadepalligudem for 3 days. It is best to say as my first from schooling.

Actually, still to the end, I am out of box. I had never expected, I'll be in. But, It happened......

2003, 'Fall' Starts.....

Everybody is rushy. Spending only a half day in a school. We are not busy in preparing exams. We are innovating something to show for the presentation. Of course, it would be a mistake without reminding him for starting this conversation. He is Arvind Sir, our mentor, NS teacher. He is leading the groups. At last, he divided into 5 groups. Siva Sravani and Naga Lakshmi; Sudheer and Me; Swamy and Karthick; Kishore and Sameer and Swathi and Madhuri.

But initially it was not 5 groups. There is every where scattering of persons, where I am out of box there. I am just a helper in making the required things. We spent half our days of a month in preparing the things and remaining for our studies. Almost done, we came up with 5 things. Everything and everyone fits for the 4 groups. Almost at the last, the partner for the Sudheer raised his both of the hands. There I am predecessor of some one. Finally I am in. But the thing is, I didn't remember the guy for whom I had been replaced.

It is my first place where I had spent for the first time somewhere a miles away from my home, Somewhere which wouldn't be like a home. But first is first.

Day 1: I scared of the buildings, which not yet completed, only seeing a pillars at the edges like a skeleton for a future building. They allotted room for us. Separate for boys and girls. Just we took a rest for a day.

Day 2: Setting up our equipments at the allotted stall. For us, its not a big deal. Sorry, I didn't say about my project right?? It is a natural pesticide, called Vermi Culture. Hardly, an aquarium containing the vermi's and some natural things. Its not related to technical too. For us the good thing is, another batch(Naga Lakshmi and Siva Sravani) got a place next to us.

First day, I hope we did nothing. Some of small kids came(Of Course, I too) and see the stall and goes. Nobody dared to ask about it nor amused for the vermi culture.

Day 3 : Kids are coming to our stalls. Not for the vermi culture, we add an enticing thing besides our huge box, a fish tank with a set of Red Gold Fish. It created an enthusiasm why they kept this tank.

I hope we did good for today. At Nights, they arranged programs for entertainment.

Day 4 : Nothing bad. And it is the final day and best project will be announced. I never hope, we would stand in first place. Same as hoped.

But these are not the memories.... Just, I sketched the situation for you.

Here they are..... I am not good at English, I know that. But I need to skip myself. Of Course, until my partner is there, I have no problem. But there is a time, I'll be alone. What I need to do then? Ran away Or try some how to manage. But the second thing doesn't fit for me. Hardly, I managed for one day after I catches some words from my partner. In every time, I just say to Siva Sravani, to keep an eye on our stall.


And we spend the days hardly in in-completed Buildings. No necessary needs. No good food. Not even a water to drink when need. And after all, it is winter. The only best part is we sat together(boys and girls) at Lunch and Dinner; entertainment refreshments at the nights. And a simple walk after the dinner. Later, we just leave our way to rooms. And for me, I mean most of the time, I spend with music, from a walk-man gadget of Madhuri's.

But the co-incidence is, after my first counseling of Engineering, I got the seat in the same college. Until now, I don't know the name of it. It is SASI ENGINEERING COLLGE. But, later, I changed to another college from the last counseling.

That is my first overseas.....

My first b'day wish to a girl (through a phone)

Those were the times for me to make a call for the friends through Landlines. It would be a silly now but we had crossed it. Because, we are blessed as a witness for the prosperity of Tele Communications. A 1x1 sq-feet box covering a place in everyone's house to 6 inch covered in every one's hand.

And for a girl, it is not simple as to share the numbers with the boys compared to girls. Unless, if they have a freedom in their own house. But in those olden days, we have a friend, like even we can went to her house. As said, these words will be jovial but make it grant "Olden Days".

Here is the situation,

I didn't remember how I got her Land-line number, but it was the same day just rewind-ed back to 9 years. Time is about going to tick 9'o clock in the morning. I was utterly nervous. Even, I didn't find this nervousness for seeing my 10th class results. There were two guys in the race. Me and Srini. We had a deal, that we would call exactly by 9'o clock to her. I dialed the number which has 5 digits. Yes, previously we have 5 digits only. Later they added prefix '2'. That's why land line number contains 11 digits(with STD code).

I didn't know whether she picked for the first time itself. But we were in a call. Just said a wish "Happy Birthday" and a few more conclusions and confirmations. Hang down. That's it. I had done. Yes, really, I had done. But the thing is, my partner already wished before I called her. I lose the race.

No Problem, May be I lose, but this was engraved in my memory as "My first b'day wish to a girl through a phone". Of Course, from a Land line. Even, I got my mobile in 2007. This was happened in 2003.

Actually, I am not trying to wish her in this way. Just I want to memorize my first wish to her. 

A Haunting Memory

I exhausted as of now. That's all the memories I have with the people(School Mates). May be, it was few. But those were sweet. Hope I can share more, when those days are fished at any instant in my mind.

One thing I need to say, may be you(other than school mates) are jealous, the people that I love the most in this world are my tenth mates. Because they are my first crush. I never forget them and I never draw back my relation with them. But till end of my life, a regret will carry with me i.e., Missing Our Tenth Farewell. Do you know how I missed? I am sleeping at that time. Don't blame me, I have a reason. Actually the Farewell planned just one day before of our School Anniversary. Till the evening we dipped in the decorations to recuperate the glow of our school. I am almost tired by the evening. But I have a confidence I can manage myself. Because I don't want to miss those sweet days and its memories. I reached home at 6 in the evening. I don't know whether it was destiny, I am sleepy and ask my mom "wake me up in one hour. I need to go".  Just opened my eyes. The party starts at 7pm. Now the clock ticking at 9pm. I just cried. I missed.

We are not aware of cellphones in those days. No chance to call and ask. Just cursed my mom. Lately she said "I never disturb the sleeping people". The anger reached peek while listening those words. But the worse news is "The party started at 9 pm". Later I came to know, it was destiny.

I just cry, while seeing these photograph. I am not part of those memory. I know I am sentimental, but I am less often be placed in photographs. In those some, I missed the important one. That's my grieve. 

Three Sisters...!!!

"India is my country and all Indians are my brothers and sisters.

I love my country and I am proud of its rich and varied heritage.

I shall always strive to be worthy of it.

I shall give my parents, teachers and elders respect and treat everyone with courtesy.

To my country and my people, I pledge my devotion. In their well being and prosperity alone, lies my happiness."

We used to say this pledge everyday in our school prayer. We often call each other as brothers and sisters in our class. Hey, what am I saying? why did I start this post?? Oh...OK. Here it is. I need to introduce a few people.. sorry "CHEKKA's" to you. Don't embarrass for the word. I will explain you later.

I never expect that these three friends come in my life. Each having their uniqueness. One of them, will look same as me. You may doubt that are you brother and sister? Even, some of my teachers ask us the same. The second is the sweet and short younger sister(CHELLI). No doubt, I can call her a little sister. Another one is the tall and stout one. Obviously elder sister(AKKA).

They often come and go in groups. Inseparable bonds between them. So, I used to tease them as CHEKKA's - Pick the First Letter from the word CHELLI and Second letter from the word AKKA. and make it as CHEKKA's. What a creativity, right??. They didn't stay calm for my teasing. They call me as THOKKA, name coined by younger sister. 

I was memorizing those days. It's night study hours. Before the power is up, we boys and gals sat separately and busy in completing that days work. Sometimes, the power will down and we manage under the candle lights. At the time, these three sat together and one fellow will add in the group, he is Suresh and later this blogger will make the count as five. Don't take it as negative, when I am starting to cope-up with them, they stop murmuring and stop their secrets. Never bothered. Of Course, later I came to know that secrets. In the life crossways, each hold their positions on own. Now, I missed them. To be frank, even for the not serious, I called them as SISTER's. But none after them.

Today is my younger Chekka's birthday. 

"Happy Birthday" to you ra. It dedicates to you Deepika.

 Those three are Divya, Deepika and Siva Sravani.

What I cant is...!!

"I am a boring personality. I cant deliver the punching-lines. I cant make you smile. I cant show you my care/love as I am emotionless. Shortly, I didn't deserve for..........."

I am 24 now. I gained millions of experiences in my life. But still, I didn't learn some things in my life. So many Cant's had left in my life. Probably, it is my intention that I want you know about me. Mention: ABOUT ME.

I know the perception changes for every individual. What you may love, others can't. But He left some people with the same tastes to become friends. And He made a stage for everyone. What the truth is,  I didn't showed well my part on that stage. Sadly, My School Life is one of those stage. I didn't marked myself, I led a stranger role till my 9th standard. Of Course, Surroundings/Living place is the main culprit. But suddenly, I stood in between the rankers. Placed at 6th. As a student, I made a mark "A Benevolent Guy". But, after my secondary, just checked myself, does anyone stood behind me(to share, to care, to love). No one.

Intermediate - Thank God, I have my tenth mate besides me. But I didn't entertain him. We are not of the same shoes. My fault is 90%. In that short duration, I didn't make other friends too. I am insipid.

Graduation - When the brain got the ages, I have a strong belief, I am in-born Introvert. I tried to maintain that attribute. But at last, I found some people as friends, who aren't my type.

Now I figured out, the fault is in me. My Expectations. I need a friend who calls me on one day and ask sole fully about me. Mention, Only about me. Of Course, I welcome for their needs/expectations, but this is not what I am expecting from my side. OK. Have an example, after so many years, one of my friend called me, asked for others number and hang down the phone. That's it. Am I Telephone Directory?? After that, I stopped collecting friends' numbers. I don't need the friends like them. But what the bitter truth is "Real is always one step down of our expectations". So, this is my curse.

So, what I cant is a normal "friendship". Mentioned in the first lines are my weakness.

An interesting geek, my small Grand Fa..!!

        
       Can you make a Cupboard with the pile of match boxes??
       Can you make a productive things from the unused ones???


           God doesn't give all the capabilities to all of them. Some persons are blessed by birth. He is one of those kind. He is my small Grand Fa., a disability person with an utmost intelligence.


           He died, when I was 14. I still remember him, his works, his words and some memories with him. Just some of those bunch for you. Its our playful days in our home town(Moturu), busy with our games of world. Suddenly, my second elder sister came in a split second and asked us "Does any one dropped this Rs. 100/- note?". We said, "hmmm-huuuuuuuuu". Of course, it is not our deal. And to be frank, we are not fond of money at the age, but for games. we are busy with the rounding turns in the game. After that we came to know that Rs. 100/-  doesn't belong to none. How come? Here it is?


           Its a grand work of my small Grand Fa. He checked how many members will trap for his bait, to get the weak personalities. But no one trapped. Whatever may be, it got stick around in my mind. Finding the right ones? That inspired me. Some times, I play tricks to test the pals. But I got the negative repercussions, but i'm satisfied with the results. In this sense, I am weird, got from my grand fa.


             He is also a good player of 9 pics game(we call it as DADDY game). He is a versatile game player. We kids always tries to compete with him (in the game). But we never won. On one of the fine good day, I am about in the last step to conquer him. Just two more intellectual moves can close the game(as per me). I am trying to figure out the best moves that I can make. But I am as much serious as Viswanathan Anand at that time about my moves. Suddenly, the master(Grand Fa) gave up. I won. Yes. I won. That's my first ever victory. Its a miracle. I think, we next played a couple of games, some he gave up, more I lost.


           He always used the things in a well productive way. He made a cup board with the use of match boxes. He is an ambidextrous. He is one of my those inspiring ones.


          One more memory I can remember, once we all went to our mango farms in summer. It is around 60- 70 kms from our home town. we started after the midnight in a tractor, and traveled for a first miles which I can remember later I slept and got up when there are a few miles to reach the destination. Our task is to pluck the mangoes and rode to our home town. That is the first best journey with him, I remember.

Everlasting Shadow........!!!

         Some one had entered in your life without your notice and every time he is back of you like a shadow and greets you first on your birthday, speaks open to you at all times, taking care you all times... if that person comes in your life....Will you leave him because yourself don't return much love to him??

         I don't know about others.... but I never lose him. I don't know when he entered into my life. But as per my memory, it was my 12th birthday....As his routines, dad bought the chocolates and some stuff for the birthday. Of Course, we never cut the cakes for the birthday's(its my mom custom, she do pooja's in the month of august). So, after taking the blessings from both of them, dad will take a snap for every birthday. It is his custom. That is the day, when taking the snap, a person reluctantly entered into the snap... Don't afraid he is not the demon. You will know at the end of this post. That is my first snap with a friend, I think. I still have that snap. Since to those days, he will come to my house sharp at 8'o clock and we go together to school by bicycles.

            Since he left our school and moved to another, he never left me alone. He is a big spendthrift. It is our daily mundane to eat bajji's after the school. Frankly say, I never spend rupees for him, every time he have a high hand. He spend nearly Rs. 100/-  per day at that age.

           He is a very 'hard'worker, in those days, we got the stuff(unworking electronic) from one of our classmate and try to innovate the things. I can heart fully say, he is one of the inspiring people, not from one of the people, he is the solo inspiring one that bought the taste in me for the Electronics. He is good at Engineering.

         In our 15 years of friendship, we never in combat, we never have harsh words on each other, its always a smooth journey. There is never a mistake from his side, but from my side. I always forgot to wish him on his birthday but he wishes exactly on first minute on my birthday, I never spend a money for him, not even buy a gift on his birthday but he's not, I am not sure I can help if I called him on mid night but I have a confidence on him, he will. He has that much love on me.

        Even for this year, I missed to wish him. Today is his birthday. Actually every time he waits for my wish, but I don't know why, I always miss a wish. For the last time also I had missed wishing at 12'o clock and called him at the morning. I asked for apologized, but he said one word that soothed my heart "మన యిద్దరి మధ్య విషెస్ ఎందుకురా ??".

        Whatever, HE had given me a sweet friend.

I WISH YOU A MANY MORE and MORE HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY.......RAJASEKHAR alias Jimmy.

My First Movie in Big Screen.

     
           It was one of the fine morning in old school....The Principal has already completed his rounds. And everything is went on as usual. In the mid of the day, we got a circular stating that "We are planning for a kids show in the Gangaratnam theatre. The movie name called Godzilla(I didn't remember, which series it fits). Give the names to the class teacher those who are interested. Tomorrow will be last date."  Everything is fine up-to the content till now. The real problem is here. They not gonna allow the free service, they charge for it. The Movie Fare is Rs. 5. They will book the tickets for the show, from whom they got a fare.

            I had given my name. The day has come and watched my first movie in the theater. Its insipid right. I didn't start this page to scribble these lines. Here is the scene.

            At the age of 10's we are under the provision of some ones care or order like, in the schools we should take a permission from the teacher even to go for a pee, at home I need a permission/order from my dad, if something should happen(I mean, I need to inform them that I am going to somewhere). For the money matters, its mandatory. But I took a decision without his concern. And I need money for a movie ticket. The confidence plays crazy role in my life. I thought about I can pilfer the fare from my mom. The same has done.

          Next day, I steal money from my moms usual secret place where I find some change everyday. Just took the Rs.5 change and booked my slot. And also I informed to my mom, I am going to movie. My confidence had worked explicitly till now. Then who will inform to my dad. My mom had already down his hand.

          Finally the day came. Actual planning of the school management is we should assemble at school by 7.30 am. From there they guide us to the movie theater. The show is at 8'o clock. I feared to tell to my dad. But gathered my guts to disclose the scene on the day. Done. I had received some blessings....
          Of course, finally my dad has also thought about the positive side. He left me at the school. We are already late due to blessings from my God(dad). The guard insisted to go directly to the theater. We do. Finally the enjoyment of big screens started from the Godzilla.......!!!

          Till my secondary school, I am less often watch movies in theater. I can count on my finger tips. But the most enjoyed part in my life is the OKKADU movie. Still I have that tickets.

Okkadu movie ticket(2003)

My Hangout place..!!

       If you go the same place for each and every time, may be for some days or for some years, you feel bored... But for me, there is only one place I know, which I never got bored. I had been visiting  the same place since 24 years for every year. Its my grand mother's town. Did, I say its my grand mother's town.... Yes, I said it correctly.. its my grand mother's town only.... because, I love this place, because, she lives there in the town.


      And I know 'only' this place to hangout for holidays....We wait for a summer in the whole year to visit this place.. there will be no restrictions.. no boss.... no objections... I feel like, I got Freedom..especially, there would be no dad in that place.. Apart, I enjoy with the family members.... play for the whole day.... lick the candy ice-creams as many from the vendors in the whole day who come across our street, watch a matinee show which starts in the noon....mostly my favourite actor Sr. NTR movies(I am fond of him, bcoz of my dad's influence) and can squeeze the full ripen mangoes as a evening snack...and in the night after the dinner, we lay in the grandmothers couch to listen her sweet stories and we can clarify as many doubts as that stroked in our minds. That's the our whole one day plan in the span of summer. How can I miss those enjoyable days?


       Of course, the days will always never be the same....I often visit my grandma's town for two reasons... One I can play with my cousin's and Two for my grand mother's care. Sometimes, my uncles plan for a tour to Tirupathi.....its their yearly prosaic.. After the two days of my arrival, they got departure to the Tirupathi.. I spend the lonely days in the town... I used to collect the small coconuts that fall on each day.. and lined up to count how many days was left to see them again. My lonely days are spent, they come, I will back to my home. Sometimes, I used to cry, why I am not a part with them to share in the journey. Neither, I never asked them, nor to my dad too. But I thought to ask them every time, for a reason, why they left us apart.


       In those lonely days, I am under grandma's care, the only reason left to be in the town now. She is nice at cooking. I never forget her dosa's. Now my mind is rolling up with the dosa's. Yummy...!! She always used to share the incidents about my Big B(Big Brother, Subbu). I resemble in him, like he used to sit in the same place with same posture..... uttering same words.... she used to compare me with him sometimes...                                        
                         Once, I have been annoying her since morning.... I didnt remember the reason...But, I can say, I am almost squeezed her patience.... she scolds me "mondodu"...  at last, she place a guava in my hand and I stopped crying.


       This is all my memories I can share. But for this year, I visited the home town for the last visit of her death ceremony. She is no more. Why my eyes got wet now? I cried after that for so-many days in her memory. I used to wind-up the memories with her. Every time, it makes me to cry. And also, we missed our holy day - SRI RAMA NAVAMI....this year. Its our mundane to go to our home town on this day and spend the whole day in joy and gift an item to my grandma at the End of the Day. May be, in the coming years, we often visit the town but never left the place with out remembering you, I swear.

Promises to my parents..!!

           
         Before you want know what are the promises I had given to my parents, I need to tell you a small story....that hauled me to the promises.

         Its a common day, I had returned back from the school as usual. My mom fired a straight question at me, "Did you steal the money from the locker?". No, I didn't, I said. Tell me the truth, she raged. No, I didn't, Its my answer. For the curiosity, I asked "how much?". Its nearly about three thousand or more. Until, that time, I am just a pilfer. It will never cross 10 or 15 rupees. But, this was a huge amount(for me). Of course, I know, I am not the thief.
          
          Next day was a Sunday, my dad rolled the same questions on me, "Did you took the money?". I just got frustrated, how can I prove my candidness. I had tried all the ways, but no use. They used all the weapons(Sama, Dana, Bedha, Dandopayam) on me, even the last one. But my answer is NO... ITS NOT ME.

          Nearly, it had gone for around 15 days. Its became my daily routine to answer them. I am not the one..... really, I am not one.

          Later, my parents doubted that, another tenant who lives next to our portion had stolen the money. They came to conclusion, that the culprit was him. I just felt good, after I heard the news.

           One fine night... it was around 9:00 pm, I think. Dad called me to come into the master bed room alone, while we(Me and Jagan(bro)) were playing at outside. Mom sat beside him. They asked me again the same question, Didn't you steal the money, right? and said

* I want to translate those words into తెలుగు, which affects here much.

             "మనం చనిపోయే వరుకు, చాలా నీతిగా బతకాలి, ఎవరి చేత వేలెత్తి చూపించే పనులు చెయ్యకూడదు ...." and make promise on us "ఎప్పుడు దొంగతనం చెయ్యనని, సిగరెట్టే కానీ, మందు(Liquir) కానీ అలవాటు  చేసుకోనని", "మేము బ్రతికినంత వరుకు, ఎవరకి తల దించుకునే పనులు  చెయ్యనని......."

           I am back to work after that.

           It was an age of around 8 or 9, when I kept those promises. I know, those promises were not taken seriously at that age. Of course, I too didn't. But when I got in the life crossways, I adhered to the promises unconsciously. Those words would get into the 'cache' part of my mind, when I am in the wrong way. That's make me, till now, not to smoke nor drink. Really, I never smoked or drunk.


           For my parents: If the promises make them happy, I am ready to give as many. And regarding head-down things, my parents don't like Love Marriages. Of course, no parent will take a grant of it. But, I want to make them happy at least(That's all I can do). So, I just sealed my plethora of love for my coming would-be. Hope, HE will give a nice and understandable wife to me. That's not the only reason to keep a distance from love, the surroundings I grown up, my parents' preachings, cases I had seen..... I just kept the love at arm length..... If not, I will be fell down. hehehehe!!!  Just kidding...!! I will tell you in the coming posts, why I am arm length to every-one.
               

My First Crush....!!

"Love isn't a choice, most people that fall in love don't choose to, it just happens.

What is LOVE?
In Math: A Problem
In History : A War
In Chemistry : A Reaction
In Art : A Heart
For Me : ???

I had copied these words from some where, because I don't know what is "Love"? And how it would be?

Oh..Crap....!! I am talking about crush!! Right?
Just digresses, whenever this word (love) comes into scene!! hehehe!!

What ever, finally, I am out!!

OK! Lets start,

        It is the age of my 10's. I had a small and little love(I call it as 'Crush' for my comfort) that ended after a few days.

       Hmm.... There may be no love in some ones life, but at least a crush in one's own life. I had one of it. A girl resides next to my house, where she looks like an angel at his age. I don't know even her name. But crazy heart disturbed at her glance.

       Day 1: I am playing in the lobby of my house. I am trying to catch the heights of our house wall. Of Course that's the only wall divides our house from the besides one. My aim is to crawl and stay there by hanging to the wall. I had tried nearly 15 to 20 times. Still not succeed. But I am trying for my aim seriously. Hurrah!! At last, I catch the wall.
                       There, at that moment, hanging with the wall,. I had stayed reluctantly there itself even I cant withstand like that. The eyes got cross-looked for sometime. Then I fell down.
                      Again tried to catch the wall with the support beneath of my legs. This time, I talked with her. But, I don't remember those words.

       Day 2 : I didn't know whether I had slept before night after seen her. But the next day, I had tried to see her. But, she doesn't came.

       Day 3 : Eyes are searching for her.

                               Then as usual.............!!! I am back to my work...!!!

 I am not saying, that I loved her. But the one of the great arts of the god, make me stand still and crashed me. That's all.........!!!

Later, the I fell in love with the cine actresses......My first love with "Revathi".. she is very chubby...!! Then for Reema sen,  after the movie of Manasantha Nuvve....!!! Now Sreya and Samantha...........!!!