Everlasting Shadow........!!!

         Some one had entered in your life without your notice and every time he is back of you like a shadow and greets you first on your birthday, speaks open to you at all times, taking care you all times... if that person comes in your life....Will you leave him because yourself don't return much love to him??

         I don't know about others.... but I never lose him. I don't know when he entered into my life. But as per my memory, it was my 12th birthday....As his routines, dad bought the chocolates and some stuff for the birthday. Of Course, we never cut the cakes for the birthday's(its my mom custom, she do pooja's in the month of august). So, after taking the blessings from both of them, dad will take a snap for every birthday. It is his custom. That is the day, when taking the snap, a person reluctantly entered into the snap... Don't afraid he is not the demon. You will know at the end of this post. That is my first snap with a friend, I think. I still have that snap. Since to those days, he will come to my house sharp at 8'o clock and we go together to school by bicycles.

            Since he left our school and moved to another, he never left me alone. He is a big spendthrift. It is our daily mundane to eat bajji's after the school. Frankly say, I never spend rupees for him, every time he have a high hand. He spend nearly Rs. 100/-  per day at that age.

           He is a very 'hard'worker, in those days, we got the stuff(unworking electronic) from one of our classmate and try to innovate the things. I can heart fully say, he is one of the inspiring people, not from one of the people, he is the solo inspiring one that bought the taste in me for the Electronics. He is good at Engineering.

         In our 15 years of friendship, we never in combat, we never have harsh words on each other, its always a smooth journey. There is never a mistake from his side, but from my side. I always forgot to wish him on his birthday but he wishes exactly on first minute on my birthday, I never spend a money for him, not even buy a gift on his birthday but he's not, I am not sure I can help if I called him on mid night but I have a confidence on him, he will. He has that much love on me.

        Even for this year, I missed to wish him. Today is his birthday. Actually every time he waits for my wish, but I don't know why, I always miss a wish. For the last time also I had missed wishing at 12'o clock and called him at the morning. I asked for apologized, but he said one word that soothed my heart "మన యిద్దరి మధ్య విషెస్ ఎందుకురా ??".

        Whatever, HE had given me a sweet friend.

I WISH YOU A MANY MORE and MORE HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY.......RAJASEKHAR alias Jimmy.

My First Movie in Big Screen.

     
           It was one of the fine morning in old school....The Principal has already completed his rounds. And everything is went on as usual. In the mid of the day, we got a circular stating that "We are planning for a kids show in the Gangaratnam theatre. The movie name called Godzilla(I didn't remember, which series it fits). Give the names to the class teacher those who are interested. Tomorrow will be last date."  Everything is fine up-to the content till now. The real problem is here. They not gonna allow the free service, they charge for it. The Movie Fare is Rs. 5. They will book the tickets for the show, from whom they got a fare.

            I had given my name. The day has come and watched my first movie in the theater. Its insipid right. I didn't start this page to scribble these lines. Here is the scene.

            At the age of 10's we are under the provision of some ones care or order like, in the schools we should take a permission from the teacher even to go for a pee, at home I need a permission/order from my dad, if something should happen(I mean, I need to inform them that I am going to somewhere). For the money matters, its mandatory. But I took a decision without his concern. And I need money for a movie ticket. The confidence plays crazy role in my life. I thought about I can pilfer the fare from my mom. The same has done.

          Next day, I steal money from my moms usual secret place where I find some change everyday. Just took the Rs.5 change and booked my slot. And also I informed to my mom, I am going to movie. My confidence had worked explicitly till now. Then who will inform to my dad. My mom had already down his hand.

          Finally the day came. Actual planning of the school management is we should assemble at school by 7.30 am. From there they guide us to the movie theater. The show is at 8'o clock. I feared to tell to my dad. But gathered my guts to disclose the scene on the day. Done. I had received some blessings....
          Of course, finally my dad has also thought about the positive side. He left me at the school. We are already late due to blessings from my God(dad). The guard insisted to go directly to the theater. We do. Finally the enjoyment of big screens started from the Godzilla.......!!!

          Till my secondary school, I am less often watch movies in theater. I can count on my finger tips. But the most enjoyed part in my life is the OKKADU movie. Still I have that tickets.

Okkadu movie ticket(2003)

My Hangout place..!!

       If you go the same place for each and every time, may be for some days or for some years, you feel bored... But for me, there is only one place I know, which I never got bored. I had been visiting  the same place since 24 years for every year. Its my grand mother's town. Did, I say its my grand mother's town.... Yes, I said it correctly.. its my grand mother's town only.... because, I love this place, because, she lives there in the town.


      And I know 'only' this place to hangout for holidays....We wait for a summer in the whole year to visit this place.. there will be no restrictions.. no boss.... no objections... I feel like, I got Freedom..especially, there would be no dad in that place.. Apart, I enjoy with the family members.... play for the whole day.... lick the candy ice-creams as many from the vendors in the whole day who come across our street, watch a matinee show which starts in the noon....mostly my favourite actor Sr. NTR movies(I am fond of him, bcoz of my dad's influence) and can squeeze the full ripen mangoes as a evening snack...and in the night after the dinner, we lay in the grandmothers couch to listen her sweet stories and we can clarify as many doubts as that stroked in our minds. That's the our whole one day plan in the span of summer. How can I miss those enjoyable days?


       Of course, the days will always never be the same....I often visit my grandma's town for two reasons... One I can play with my cousin's and Two for my grand mother's care. Sometimes, my uncles plan for a tour to Tirupathi.....its their yearly prosaic.. After the two days of my arrival, they got departure to the Tirupathi.. I spend the lonely days in the town... I used to collect the small coconuts that fall on each day.. and lined up to count how many days was left to see them again. My lonely days are spent, they come, I will back to my home. Sometimes, I used to cry, why I am not a part with them to share in the journey. Neither, I never asked them, nor to my dad too. But I thought to ask them every time, for a reason, why they left us apart.


       In those lonely days, I am under grandma's care, the only reason left to be in the town now. She is nice at cooking. I never forget her dosa's. Now my mind is rolling up with the dosa's. Yummy...!! She always used to share the incidents about my Big B(Big Brother, Subbu). I resemble in him, like he used to sit in the same place with same posture..... uttering same words.... she used to compare me with him sometimes...                                        
                         Once, I have been annoying her since morning.... I didnt remember the reason...But, I can say, I am almost squeezed her patience.... she scolds me "mondodu"...  at last, she place a guava in my hand and I stopped crying.


       This is all my memories I can share. But for this year, I visited the home town for the last visit of her death ceremony. She is no more. Why my eyes got wet now? I cried after that for so-many days in her memory. I used to wind-up the memories with her. Every time, it makes me to cry. And also, we missed our holy day - SRI RAMA NAVAMI....this year. Its our mundane to go to our home town on this day and spend the whole day in joy and gift an item to my grandma at the End of the Day. May be, in the coming years, we often visit the town but never left the place with out remembering you, I swear.

Promises to my parents..!!

           
         Before you want know what are the promises I had given to my parents, I need to tell you a small story....that hauled me to the promises.

         Its a common day, I had returned back from the school as usual. My mom fired a straight question at me, "Did you steal the money from the locker?". No, I didn't, I said. Tell me the truth, she raged. No, I didn't, Its my answer. For the curiosity, I asked "how much?". Its nearly about three thousand or more. Until, that time, I am just a pilfer. It will never cross 10 or 15 rupees. But, this was a huge amount(for me). Of course, I know, I am not the thief.
          
          Next day was a Sunday, my dad rolled the same questions on me, "Did you took the money?". I just got frustrated, how can I prove my candidness. I had tried all the ways, but no use. They used all the weapons(Sama, Dana, Bedha, Dandopayam) on me, even the last one. But my answer is NO... ITS NOT ME.

          Nearly, it had gone for around 15 days. Its became my daily routine to answer them. I am not the one..... really, I am not one.

          Later, my parents doubted that, another tenant who lives next to our portion had stolen the money. They came to conclusion, that the culprit was him. I just felt good, after I heard the news.

           One fine night... it was around 9:00 pm, I think. Dad called me to come into the master bed room alone, while we(Me and Jagan(bro)) were playing at outside. Mom sat beside him. They asked me again the same question, Didn't you steal the money, right? and said

* I want to translate those words into తెలుగు, which affects here much.

             "మనం చనిపోయే వరుకు, చాలా నీతిగా బతకాలి, ఎవరి చేత వేలెత్తి చూపించే పనులు చెయ్యకూడదు ...." and make promise on us "ఎప్పుడు దొంగతనం చెయ్యనని, సిగరెట్టే కానీ, మందు(Liquir) కానీ అలవాటు  చేసుకోనని", "మేము బ్రతికినంత వరుకు, ఎవరకి తల దించుకునే పనులు  చెయ్యనని......."

           I am back to work after that.

           It was an age of around 8 or 9, when I kept those promises. I know, those promises were not taken seriously at that age. Of course, I too didn't. But when I got in the life crossways, I adhered to the promises unconsciously. Those words would get into the 'cache' part of my mind, when I am in the wrong way. That's make me, till now, not to smoke nor drink. Really, I never smoked or drunk.


           For my parents: If the promises make them happy, I am ready to give as many. And regarding head-down things, my parents don't like Love Marriages. Of course, no parent will take a grant of it. But, I want to make them happy at least(That's all I can do). So, I just sealed my plethora of love for my coming would-be. Hope, HE will give a nice and understandable wife to me. That's not the only reason to keep a distance from love, the surroundings I grown up, my parents' preachings, cases I had seen..... I just kept the love at arm length..... If not, I will be fell down. hehehehe!!!  Just kidding...!! I will tell you in the coming posts, why I am arm length to every-one.
               

My First Crush....!!

"Love isn't a choice, most people that fall in love don't choose to, it just happens.

What is LOVE?
In Math: A Problem
In History : A War
In Chemistry : A Reaction
In Art : A Heart
For Me : ???

I had copied these words from some where, because I don't know what is "Love"? And how it would be?

Oh..Crap....!! I am talking about crush!! Right?
Just digresses, whenever this word (love) comes into scene!! hehehe!!

What ever, finally, I am out!!

OK! Lets start,

        It is the age of my 10's. I had a small and little love(I call it as 'Crush' for my comfort) that ended after a few days.

       Hmm.... There may be no love in some ones life, but at least a crush in one's own life. I had one of it. A girl resides next to my house, where she looks like an angel at his age. I don't know even her name. But crazy heart disturbed at her glance.

       Day 1: I am playing in the lobby of my house. I am trying to catch the heights of our house wall. Of Course that's the only wall divides our house from the besides one. My aim is to crawl and stay there by hanging to the wall. I had tried nearly 15 to 20 times. Still not succeed. But I am trying for my aim seriously. Hurrah!! At last, I catch the wall.
                       There, at that moment, hanging with the wall,. I had stayed reluctantly there itself even I cant withstand like that. The eyes got cross-looked for sometime. Then I fell down.
                      Again tried to catch the wall with the support beneath of my legs. This time, I talked with her. But, I don't remember those words.

       Day 2 : I didn't know whether I had slept before night after seen her. But the next day, I had tried to see her. But, she doesn't came.

       Day 3 : Eyes are searching for her.

                               Then as usual.............!!! I am back to my work...!!!

 I am not saying, that I loved her. But the one of the great arts of the god, make me stand still and crashed me. That's all.........!!!

Later, the I fell in love with the cine actresses......My first love with "Revathi".. she is very chubby...!! Then for Reema sen,  after the movie of Manasantha Nuvve....!!! Now Sreya and Samantha...........!!!

Good Bye, 2011

        Life isn't beautiful like shown in the movies. It doesn't end up in 3 hours span and formed with 45 scenes, 24 reels, some dialogues, some senti's. Life is a long boring journey. In those creep, the happiest moments for me are with the friends.

 First I have to tell you what makes me to share these words now. If it is not the time now, it will never, ever be. It was the same days of December, one year back. The winter gathering the fog in the air and it was also the golden earliest days of my job life and sometimes.... hanging out with the friends.

 I know, I have so much care for the people. But I need to know 'how much' will revert it. May be, I was stupid or it was ridiculous, I stopped to show my presence. Just I wanna be aside with the people. But not completely, because some of the people, I love, was there in the same list. Just I am in dilemma, whether to go for all the list or a few exemptions. I limited my care, just be in touch for a week through the messages.

 But due to one of my friend, the confusion was cleared. No exemptions. I was no more.

 I believe, people remember the friends in two cases. Firstly, in need and secondly with love. I don't want those first category guys. Thats the reason to make me and to take a such nasty decision. The decision was very strong. The strength of that decision makes me even to exterminate my hobby, to say b'day wishes. Only at the end of this month, I tried to say the wishes to some people, but never did before from starting of the year.

 It has been 365 days, 52 weeks, 24 hours and uncountable seconds in remebering the friends. I don't how could be the people live without get-in-touch with the friends, not even calling or messaging ?? Its really bearable for me to be like that. But finally, I tried in this year.
 
 So, what I gained finally is??

 A few regrets...!!! A few Realities...!! A few Lies.......!!!


 Of Course, Life had given me some friends in this mean time, knowing more to each other, that's enough for this year, but finally, I dumb.

    
This was the last lines for this year!! Every year I try to reform myself....... Hope for the coming year too!!

Whole heartily, inviting 2012!! 
Happy New Year!!!



Enjoy your beautiful days.........!!!

To my well-wisher...........!!!

           Life has a power to show you as a HER'o or a "zero". And at the same time, it makes the people left as a good enemy or a bad friend for you. It also has a strong ability to turn your enemy into a frnd. What cant be possible for 'time'?? I think, we have 2! possibilities between a friend and an enemy. It will always have a place.

          May be tomorrow, I wont get a chance to describe about my friend here. And I dont want to lose this oppurtunity too. I have been haunting for several days for a best topic to start, where this idea was aroused from 'his' friend utterance.

Here we go,

           I have to take you to my fifth standard to start my conversation. Oneday, I am searching for my Maths Text book, which was lost a few days ago. I had searched all along my house, my racks, every where. I am vey concern about my things in those days. I had lost only two books when i am doing schooling. Now so many. OK, whatever may be, it has been 10 days or more, i didnt find my book. Later, someone gave me a thought, search in the bags of our classmates. Thats the only option you had left to search the book. Taking granted permission from each one of the mates and started digging the bags.
         Almost done. Last bag has been left. By the gods grace. I found a book which resemble the same of my lost text book. I had asked my friend, Did you stolen my book? He said, its not yours, its mine. I irritated him and blamed him. In turn he made a harsh words towards me. This sensitive heart doesnt hold those ugly words. Chanted some curses and decided not to talk with him until for my another life time.

        Time has a inherent ability to reverse the things. So, many days rolled down. So many had changed. We are in touch and talking each other now. We had done our schooling. And we demons shared the same inter college. Days enjoyed will never remember. In the mean, completed our first year.


         I didnt know the reason, why we had a clash this time. but the fact is, we are not talking again. We became as a foe's living in the same castle. Following the list of Foe's rules...Turn the faces around when encountered each other, never should sit in the same bench, warning to frnds dont try to form the breaken bonds. Hmmm...List will not enough, if you care.
          We didnt talk to each other for several months until we met at the park on the last day of our inter college. Actually we trooped to take a snaps at some place. At that time, Park is the best hangout place for us. There, my frnds brushed the minds of ours, "This is the last day of out inter life. we dont know where we would be in the coming years". Those words lead to compromise. And that compromise cause the companion.

           I have to tell one thing here, in the above two occasions, 'only' I had initiated first to talk, but he never. From those, I had an assumption on him "He is an uncompromised guy", but my life taught me to compromise in every thing. this is also one of those bunch. but the impression had earthed deeply that this "pride guy doesn't suit me".


Years rolled down.


             One thing I need to share here from my life cross-ways. And of course I believe in that. 'Give a chance to others to know yourself. Its not the how many days, sorry years, we know them, its how much you made them to know about you'. I had a frnds since my nursery, but I cant make a conclusion about them, he is bad or he is good, because I dont know about them, simply I know them. Thats all.

            As said before, life has a magic spell, to make enemies into friends. Four hours, Just four hours, changed an impression on him. This pride guy attributions. I understand him, sorry his words. For the now, I had a buddy to share the things when I left all the frnds for test. Try to understand the people around you, nobody is such bad and nobody is so good.


          Finally this is for you and.........

I wish you a MANY MANY MORE HAPPY RETURNS OF THE DAY!!

Oh.. sorry, I didnt unveiled his name right??

He is ....... T. Srinivas