Money Vs Relations

Its a long break after my busy days. Yesterday, I had find some time in watching a movie. Somewhere in my mind, the scenes got stuck and were repeating without stop button. As usual, the other face came from me, and wrote following tag.

"Dad never taught me how to make money, but only how to make relations"

I know that, I came up, not from a well rich family. As said, a middle class, where every expense of penny should have a thought before spending it. A compromised spending. But I am lucky, dad never draw us to go in a hurdle way (for money). I never feel like I need to make a money. Still, I am not interested to make a money and frankly, I don't know how to make it. I know only, how not to spend unwise.

And relations, he(dad) is good at keeping the relations. A good guider and well take carer. But still I don't know why people will involve my dad in only hard situations, not in happy situations. May be due to his attributes.  Badly, I took the inheritance from my dad, in making the relations. As his life leading, my life following the same path. I am very much interested in relations. After all, I don't understand these relationships, how will make it up stronger and its binding with the money and needs. Because, I am good at only making quick relations, not long relations, as I can't entertain the people for long. I have no words after some days.

Gone is Gone. But, I just forecast my life, simulated with 'Money' and 'Relations(real)'. How I would be in coming years?

Its blank.

I am just waiting for someone to change up my mind. Otherwise, my life is blank, no doubt.

Night Outs..!!!

It's not an engineering night outs. But we had started the night outs, at the age of the 14, not for the studies, but tag has the name"Night Outs". I can surely say, out of my 14 years of schooling, I had spent most happily in those last a few days of schooling.

Hmm....Let me not in brief,

From where I have to start, yes, I am starting with the evening study hours. Actually the school final bell rang at the evening 4:30. After that we have a time of an hour or more for refreshment and the night study hours will start at the 6pm. There starts our "blabbering" of our home works. I remember we have a dairy of 6 columns of the each subject and engraved with the today's tasks. We need to clean up all the things and have a sign off of each subjects from the "Evening Instructor". Of Course, big head peoples will complete by 7:30 pm but for the guys like half - head like me, takes some more time. At last, we need to complete our assignments, mostly and hardly before 9pm. Later leave to the home.

But I didn't remember when I had started these "Night outs". But the same smell of school would hit the nose, with a gap of another one hour. There we starts....

Mostly we come here to play the games, the power encourages us, to go for mad. We play different types of games. The darker the night, the deeper the game. I remember, at that time, I used to carry one torch light powered with 3 AA batteries. Actually dad insisted me, to use for a way in the dark road, but we re-used to catch the thieves in the THIEF-POLICE game. Mostly hostelers were the partners in the game. A part of them, Srinu, Sugosh, Firoz, Rameez, Srikanth were the outsiders of school and insiders to the game. Apologies, If I missed any one.

And suddenly we had started one sort of wrestling games. I mostly partnered with Kishore. Still, my ear have those words, "Ee Nag'gadu kanapadadu gani, veedi daggara chala balam undira" in an prudish child manner. Another pair, if I remember, Srinu and Sugosh, one more pair with Rameez, but I didn't remember his opponent.

And since my years of schooling, I have a bond with the hostelers in sharing the home food. I remember, the batch includes Kasi, Murali and some others. And another person who spendthrifts money on food is Suresh. Badly, I never remembered whether I had shared with him or not, taking the biased one to my side.

Those were my most unforgettable days @ Night outs that will never get out of my mind.

"I"... "Luv"... "U"

"I Luv U".....

These five letter word fire the hearts of the youth and it is born for Sacrifice. This is all, I have experienced from my past 25 years. So many love-birds, some got shredded and some got shattered with no peck, finally, I can count those successful sacrificed pairs. On the other face, Some feel it as burden, some people enjoy their relationships, whatever may be, I am not in that line.

That is all I left, my nostalgic feeling. But, I am not interested in "Love" surely. I mean, I don't like that cross-way or I don't know how to reach that road. Frankly, I'm not from such environment, its insipid for me.

Hmmm.... In real, this is not, I want to say.....

I had wrote so many quotes and tags, all are related my "longing" feeling. But, generally people felt that I am failure in Love. Actually my intention is, I am just giving a form to my THOUGHTS not "feelings" (in words). That doesn't mean, I failed in something. I write in general. I think, the problem is in understanding. Let take an example "I Love You". I wrote this word keeping in mind, "you" as ALL. But you will understand as "Someone". There is the problem, You ask what happened? or who is She? I have no answers for that. Or I will reply as "Feelings have no Reasons". Nice Escape.

Finally, I am done. I had my view and expressed now.

Still, I am bit confusing, between my "longing" and "practicality". But I don't care. I am ready to move forward what HE wants to put in my life with a patience.

For Your Information,

You can find my quotes in the following blog.

http://inceptionsinmylife.blogspot.com/

Me and My "Longing" feeling....!!!

Though, I had given the name "This is I'm" to my blog and tried to start to post, what I am. But in the middle of my posts, I am totally deviated and the posts were composed of my memories. It happened deliberately. I am not blaming myself, that I done a mistake.... because I am composed of only experiences and it impacts...!!! That's all I have..!!

But in practical, I should leave my feelings like Longing, Pining or "Viraham" as my 'Big B' said. But I am not aware of how to get of this. Because, the feelings spread all over my body not in some parts of my brain. See, still I am in the same mood. This kind of nostalgic about my beloved ones never leaving me.

OK.. whatever may be..!! I am here to share some interesting facts about me and 'things' which I got hereditary.

It was happened a few days ago, I am in a call with my Big B.......

I never know, I can inscribe my feelings in words. There is no way for expecting a root, because my dad is not educated. You may ask, the art may come in middle. But I never used to write these things. But, after the call I came to know that I had taken this attributes from my grand father. Even, the feeling of "viraham" also took from my Grand Father. He was also a great writer in expressing his feelings and ever floats in a feeling of longing. Finally the root for my feelings is known. So, there is no blame upon me. It was inherited from my fore fathers. So, don't put a blame on me from now. 

But taken into reality, I should not be like this. As my Bro said, I am trying to get out of it. Trying to live in practicality. The only thing I am doing this, by keeping my mind busy with other things rather than this nostalgic feelings.

But sorry for this time, unless I prepare my mind to it, I can't help to get this writer out. 

First Overseas.....not seas, may be "places"

Since my childhood, I like travels. Of Course, still it is. But, one of the best, popping out now from my mind is a trip to "Science Fair", scheduled in Tadepalligudem for 3 days. It is best to say as my first from schooling.

Actually, still to the end, I am out of box. I had never expected, I'll be in. But, It happened......

2003, 'Fall' Starts.....

Everybody is rushy. Spending only a half day in a school. We are not busy in preparing exams. We are innovating something to show for the presentation. Of course, it would be a mistake without reminding him for starting this conversation. He is Arvind Sir, our mentor, NS teacher. He is leading the groups. At last, he divided into 5 groups. Siva Sravani and Naga Lakshmi; Sudheer and Me; Swamy and Karthick; Kishore and Sameer and Swathi and Madhuri.

But initially it was not 5 groups. There is every where scattering of persons, where I am out of box there. I am just a helper in making the required things. We spent half our days of a month in preparing the things and remaining for our studies. Almost done, we came up with 5 things. Everything and everyone fits for the 4 groups. Almost at the last, the partner for the Sudheer raised his both of the hands. There I am predecessor of some one. Finally I am in. But the thing is, I didn't remember the guy for whom I had been replaced.

It is my first place where I had spent for the first time somewhere a miles away from my home, Somewhere which wouldn't be like a home. But first is first.

Day 1: I scared of the buildings, which not yet completed, only seeing a pillars at the edges like a skeleton for a future building. They allotted room for us. Separate for boys and girls. Just we took a rest for a day.

Day 2: Setting up our equipments at the allotted stall. For us, its not a big deal. Sorry, I didn't say about my project right?? It is a natural pesticide, called Vermi Culture. Hardly, an aquarium containing the vermi's and some natural things. Its not related to technical too. For us the good thing is, another batch(Naga Lakshmi and Siva Sravani) got a place next to us.

First day, I hope we did nothing. Some of small kids came(Of Course, I too) and see the stall and goes. Nobody dared to ask about it nor amused for the vermi culture.

Day 3 : Kids are coming to our stalls. Not for the vermi culture, we add an enticing thing besides our huge box, a fish tank with a set of Red Gold Fish. It created an enthusiasm why they kept this tank.

I hope we did good for today. At Nights, they arranged programs for entertainment.

Day 4 : Nothing bad. And it is the final day and best project will be announced. I never hope, we would stand in first place. Same as hoped.

But these are not the memories.... Just, I sketched the situation for you.

Here they are..... I am not good at English, I know that. But I need to skip myself. Of Course, until my partner is there, I have no problem. But there is a time, I'll be alone. What I need to do then? Ran away Or try some how to manage. But the second thing doesn't fit for me. Hardly, I managed for one day after I catches some words from my partner. In every time, I just say to Siva Sravani, to keep an eye on our stall.


And we spend the days hardly in in-completed Buildings. No necessary needs. No good food. Not even a water to drink when need. And after all, it is winter. The only best part is we sat together(boys and girls) at Lunch and Dinner; entertainment refreshments at the nights. And a simple walk after the dinner. Later, we just leave our way to rooms. And for me, I mean most of the time, I spend with music, from a walk-man gadget of Madhuri's.

But the co-incidence is, after my first counseling of Engineering, I got the seat in the same college. Until now, I don't know the name of it. It is SASI ENGINEERING COLLGE. But, later, I changed to another college from the last counseling.

That is my first overseas.....

My first b'day wish to a girl (through a phone)

Those were the times for me to make a call for the friends through Landlines. It would be a silly now but we had crossed it. Because, we are blessed as a witness for the prosperity of Tele Communications. A 1x1 sq-feet box covering a place in everyone's house to 6 inch covered in every one's hand.

And for a girl, it is not simple as to share the numbers with the boys compared to girls. Unless, if they have a freedom in their own house. But in those olden days, we have a friend, like even we can went to her house. As said, these words will be jovial but make it grant "Olden Days".

Here is the situation,

I didn't remember how I got her Land-line number, but it was the same day just rewind-ed back to 9 years. Time is about going to tick 9'o clock in the morning. I was utterly nervous. Even, I didn't find this nervousness for seeing my 10th class results. There were two guys in the race. Me and Srini. We had a deal, that we would call exactly by 9'o clock to her. I dialed the number which has 5 digits. Yes, previously we have 5 digits only. Later they added prefix '2'. That's why land line number contains 11 digits(with STD code).

I didn't know whether she picked for the first time itself. But we were in a call. Just said a wish "Happy Birthday" and a few more conclusions and confirmations. Hang down. That's it. I had done. Yes, really, I had done. But the thing is, my partner already wished before I called her. I lose the race.

No Problem, May be I lose, but this was engraved in my memory as "My first b'day wish to a girl through a phone". Of Course, from a Land line. Even, I got my mobile in 2007. This was happened in 2003.

Actually, I am not trying to wish her in this way. Just I want to memorize my first wish to her. 

A Haunting Memory

I exhausted as of now. That's all the memories I have with the people(School Mates). May be, it was few. But those were sweet. Hope I can share more, when those days are fished at any instant in my mind.

One thing I need to say, may be you(other than school mates) are jealous, the people that I love the most in this world are my tenth mates. Because they are my first crush. I never forget them and I never draw back my relation with them. But till end of my life, a regret will carry with me i.e., Missing Our Tenth Farewell. Do you know how I missed? I am sleeping at that time. Don't blame me, I have a reason. Actually the Farewell planned just one day before of our School Anniversary. Till the evening we dipped in the decorations to recuperate the glow of our school. I am almost tired by the evening. But I have a confidence I can manage myself. Because I don't want to miss those sweet days and its memories. I reached home at 6 in the evening. I don't know whether it was destiny, I am sleepy and ask my mom "wake me up in one hour. I need to go".  Just opened my eyes. The party starts at 7pm. Now the clock ticking at 9pm. I just cried. I missed.

We are not aware of cellphones in those days. No chance to call and ask. Just cursed my mom. Lately she said "I never disturb the sleeping people". The anger reached peek while listening those words. But the worse news is "The party started at 9 pm". Later I came to know, it was destiny.

I just cry, while seeing these photograph. I am not part of those memory. I know I am sentimental, but I am less often be placed in photographs. In those some, I missed the important one. That's my grieve.